View Full Version : ADVICE!!!! From you men
Cat118!
11-16-2007, 07:07 PM
When you are extremely stressed out... what do you expect from you significant other?
How do you relieve stress?
How do you deal with your stress?
Whats the worst your significant other can do?
If you are mad at the world do you ever notice you may be taking it out on the wrong person? If so how did you notice?
Be honest now!
Cutty72
11-16-2007, 07:13 PM
worst thing my S/O can do is bug me about it.
When i'm stressed when I get home from work, just leave me the F alone for an hour or so. When I'm better, I'll talk to you.
If you are persistant on wanting to "do" something about it, don't get mad when i snap at you.
Best stress reliever is a nice solo ride on the bike. Otherwise, just some time alone on the couch, or in my pickup.
Cat118!
11-16-2007, 07:17 PM
worst thing my S/O can do is bug me about it.
When i'm stressed when I get home from work, just leave me the F alone for an hour or so. When I'm better, I'll talk to you.
If you are persistant on wanting to "do" something about it, don't get mad when i snap at you.
Best stress reliever is a nice solo ride on the bike. Otherwise, just some time alone on the couch, or in my pickup.
what if its an ongoing stress.... like you have something coming up and your going to be stressed out about tell that day comes.. which could be a couple months.... then how?
Cutty72
11-16-2007, 07:52 PM
what if its an ongoing stress.... like you have something coming up and your going to be stressed out about tell that day comes.. which could be a couple months.... then how?
Guess it depends on what it is... Can't say I've ever really come across that situation. Blame it on my lack of planning. I DON'T plan ahead, as far as scheduling and such. Want to know what I'm doing next weekend, aske me next weekend, that type of thing.
If there is something I'm stressing about... like I said, get me on my bike, or doing something else, and I'm good. Just get my mind off of it and I'm set.
A S/O asking about what's going on, continually reassuring me etc etc is just gonna make it worse.
That help clear it up??
when im stressed to max i take a xanax or got to the karate school and beat the bags or fight some. best stress relief eva.
BigCory707
11-17-2007, 02:50 AM
The only thing I ever want my lady to do is if I am mad at work or stressed out about something at work, all she needs to do is not take their side. She doesnt have to agree with me but at that time, I sure dont want to hear that they are right. So just go with the flow and let me vent a little. I really dont bring my stresses home but If I do, they dont last long
Cutty72
11-17-2007, 12:37 PM
Close
Xanax is new too me but yeah.....nice... Bikes are great for removing the stress...so is some boat time
I'd guess I'm the same as most men... I want to be left alone to work through the stressful situation.. and if I want input I ask...
As for taking it out on others.....guilty.....especially those that unwittingly create more stress "trying to help"
Yeah, been there too.
give him some space, everyone needs their space and time to vent and release anger/stress. as a woman, you want to make things better and make his boo boo go away, that's your motherly instinct, but for men, they have different ways of dealing with whatever is on their mind.
Don't smother him, don't ask a bunch of questions, just leave him alone and when he's ready to talk or want something from you then you can be there.
I know that you have to know everything and it gets under your skin when you don't get the answer right away, but sometimes cat you just have to back off.
and make that boy a sammich! muah!
Cutty72
11-17-2007, 02:17 PM
give him some space, everyone needs their space and time to vent and release anger/stress. as a woman, you want to make things better and make his boo boo go away, that's your motherly instinct, but for men, they have different ways of dealing with whatever is on their mind.
Don't smother him, don't ask a bunch of questions, just leave him alone and when he's ready to talk or want something from you then you can be there.
I know that you have to know everything and it gets under your skin when you don't get the answer right away, but sometimes cat you just have to back off.
and make that boy a sammich! muah!
Smart woman right thar!!
:thumbup:
PlayfulGod
11-17-2007, 03:13 PM
Smart woman right thar!!
:thumbup:
I have to concur. :good:
Cutty72
11-17-2007, 06:57 PM
Can we get suki to give lessons to the rest of the women in the world???
Dapper
11-18-2007, 01:03 PM
Suki nailed that bird with her scatter gun! :hunter:
Cat118!
11-19-2007, 11:00 AM
I can understand giving him space and pampering him with nice dinners for a week or so.... which I have done
But when It gets to the point no matter what I do he takes his stress out on me.... If I don't say anything then he says I don't care...If I say something I'm nagging.
If he ripps me a New asshole for no reason... I let it slide instead of being mad (which has now happened SEVERAL times)
He won't apoligze for any of his behavior and he has just been getting worse.
Been going on for a month or so
(Oh and when he was yelling at me he called me his ex's name PLAIN AS DAY!! and won't admit he did and won't just say opps slip sorry) :dntknw:
door, meet asshole, asshole, meet goodbye.
check your email.
haha, dapper!
i guess if you've tried all the tricks in the bag and a 'sit down' doesn't work, then maybe you need to start asking yourself if this is someone you want to invest more of your life with. People have to compensate and have to cooperate, know how much they are willing to bend and what they are willing to fight for.
Dapper
11-19-2007, 12:45 PM
:(
Sounds as if -the talk- is in order.
Depending on the length of time the two of you have been dating, will vary what actions to take. It sounds as if this dude is on the way out. The real question is who pushed the issue first.
If you're dating time line is under 7 months. Call it off and save each other's time.
There's too many unknowns to verify the actual situation. (Need more details darling.) This 'stuff' doesn't just happen over night. It takes time to build up.
Dapper
11-19-2007, 12:53 PM
i guess if you've tried all the tricks in the bag and a 'sit down' doesn't work, then maybe you need to start asking yourself if this is someone you want to invest more of your life with. People have to compensate and have to cooperate, know how much they are willing to bend and what they are willing to fight for.
Hmm
What's 'all the tricks in the bag' including?
Now I understand creating a balance, but what do you mean with the use of compensate?
Kenny Rogers said: "You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run."
compensate, maybe i'm using the wrong word. basically what i'm saying is people have to, or should, bend alittle. We all have our pet peeves, habits and behaviours and are used to our own ways, so when we become involved with someone else, we become exposed to their habits, behaviours and pet peeves and will more than likely clash with them.
If there are enough good qualities/reasons to stay with someone, then you have to learn to live with them AND their behaviours, but in order for that to work, we have to comprimise (maybe that's the word i was looking for) and meet in the middle.
If two people are willing to cooperate with eachother and meet halfway, compromise and communicate then they'll get to know eachother better. Alan and i hardly ever even get to an argument, but it wasnt always that way, it takes time and work and even still we'll not always see things the same way.
If only one person is doing all the work, it's not going to last for long before they get fed up and explode, and if they're not communicating and understanding eachother then they're both going to think that the other is in the wrong or that they're not doing any wrong.
PlayfulGod
11-19-2007, 01:46 PM
door, meet asshole, asshole, meet goodbye.
I Agree!
by the tricks in the bag comment i'm saying that if you've done everything that YOU think that you can do and have made yourself available to him and he is still acting a certain way, or not considering other options, or just being stubborn, then you've tried all that you can, ie-- all the tricks in your bag. it's not, i dont think anyways, any specific list of things for everyone, since every person and relationship is different, their 'tricks' or things to do will vary.
For us, if we get to a point where we're fuming, we take a step back and have time to ourselves. If i know i'm in the wrong, i'll let him cool off, and then i'll approach him and explain why i acted the way i did, acknowledge what i did wrong and how it made him feel and that i'll try to not do that again. sometimes it's as simple as making him a sammich and bringing him a beer, sometimes we have to have a discussion of how we feel. sounds gay, but that's how we truly understand eachother's side and respect eachothers feelings.
Cat118!
11-19-2007, 02:29 PM
Well I talked to him a little this morning
We had actually a nice night last night at my parents.... but still remains issues are still there and unsolved. Him going to sleep after a talk and waking up like nothing happened , does not mean the issues went away. Ignoring it makes it worse.... makes me feels he does not care he is hurting me
I told him this morning that he should stay at his place and look at the relationship and unwind... and if he wants to spend thanksgiving with me great ...if not then I'll see him the next day.
That I want to be the light at the end of the tunnel, not apart of the downward spiral and I'm not in the Role I want to be
I let him know I want to fix the relationship before it to late and time apart may be the way.
He than said we'll figure it out :dntknw:
Cutty72
11-19-2007, 03:10 PM
Crappy deal... Like said earlier, tough to tell without all the details (length of relationship etc) But it sounds as if either
1. he is having a REALLY chitty time at work
or
2. he doesn't want the relationship anymore, or at least right now.
Yes, guys will treat women like chit to try to get rid of them... sometimes it works, but it always hurts them.
Wish I could give ya a better answer. Wait till after turkey day, see how it all plays out.
Good luck! And we're here if ya need us!!!
M-18Taser
11-19-2007, 03:14 PM
Crappy deal... Like said earlier, tough to tell without all the details (length of relationship etc) But it sounds as if either
1. he is having a REALLY chitty time at work
or
2. he doesn't want the relationship anymore, or at least right now.
Yes, guys will treat women like chit to try to get rid of them... sometimes it works, but it always hurts them.
Wish I could give ya a better answer. Wait till after turkey day, see how it all plays out.
Good luck! And we're here if ya need us!!!
+1 Wait till after turkey day.. IF he trully wants the relationship he will make it work...
I went thru the same thing myself, and my now EX said we would work it out and in the same conversation we ended up breaking up...
Sorry good buddy :hugs:
Cat118!
11-19-2007, 03:31 PM
Crappy deal... Like said earlier, tough to tell without all the details (length of relationship etc) But it sounds as if either
1. he is having a REALLY chitty time at work
or
2. he doesn't want the relationship anymore, or at least right now.
Yes, guys will treat women like chit to try to get rid of them... sometimes it works, but it always hurts them.
Wish I could give ya a better answer. Wait till after turkey day, see how it all plays out.
Good luck! And we're here if ya need us!!!
well I know he is not trying to end the relationship otherwise he would have gone home along time ago.
This weekend he had a chance to have a guys day going 4 wheelin and he said he would like it if I came. And we had a good time and it felt good to smile again with him.
The thing is he has a short fuse from this on going situation that is making him stress out hard core... In a Nut shell its a huge traffic tkt and maybe facing time in jail.
I can understand his stress but I can't put myself in his shoes to really know how he feels... I've never been in that spot. All I cn do is try.
So as time goes on... he gets more upset about it he unloads on me.
We both have stress.... different kinds and we need to acknowledge eachothers and be there for both... He can't grasp that
He seems to feel his is major and mine and nothing.
In my eyes no matter how stressed you are its not an excuse to disrespect the person your with.. I want him to see that its not ok and to ackowledge his behavior and my feelings. Which lately his situation is to be the ONLY focus right now in his eyes and I need to realize that. But it can't be the only focus.
So far he has been calm today which is a switch in gears... usually when I bring "Our relationship" up..he gets snappy, mad or ignores.
But so far no attitude yet today.
Cutty72
11-19-2007, 03:35 PM
well I know he is not trying to end the relationship otherwise he would have gone home along time ago.
This weekend he had a chance to have a guys day going 4 wheelin and he said he would like it if I came. And we had a good time and it felt good to smile again with him.
The thing is he has a short fuse from this on going situation that is making him stress out hard core... In a Nut shell its a huge traffic tkt and maybe facing time in jail.
I can understand his stress but I can't put myself in his shoes to really know how he feels... I've never been in that spot. All I cn do is try.
So as time goes on... he gets more upset about it he unloads on me.
We both have stress.... different kinds and we need to acknowledge eachothers and be there for both... He can't grasp that
He seems to feel his is major and mine and nothing.
In my eyes no matter how stressed you are its not an excuse to disrespect the person your with.. I want him to see that its not ok and to ackowledge his behavior and my feelings. Which lately his situation is to be the ONLY focus right now in his eyes and I need to realize that. But it can't be the only focus.
So far he has been calm today which is a switch in gears... usually when I bring "Our relationship" up..he gets snappy, mad or ignores.
But so far no attitude yet today.
Glad its going a little better... I can relate to the whole ticket/jail thing, as it has happened to me. Within a week of it happening, my gf (now ex) left me, for other reasons. At that point it sucked being alone.
From what I can tell, you're going about it right, make sure he knows you are there for him, but don't force yourself onto him.
Best of luck!!!
Cat118!
11-19-2007, 03:48 PM
well I guess I'll see how it pans out tonight
I just want to know that he know its not exceptable to treat me the way he has been.
then just tell him exactly that. you understand he's under alot of stress, however it is UNACCEPTABLE to treat anyone the way he has been and that if he can't control his outbursts and temper issues, then to stay away. you also have to have a backbone and stick with it, otherwise you're validating his behaviour and it's okay to continue acting that way.
R1Gurl
11-19-2007, 04:31 PM
I agree with Suki, don't let anyone drag you down, no matter how much you care about them. Fact of the matter is if they truly cared for and valued you and your relationship they wouldn't put you through this...no matter what the circumstances behind it.
Be strong and if you need anyone to vent to or scream at...We're here for ya!
Cat118!
11-20-2007, 01:13 PM
Well so far all is going well
He staying at his place the next couple nights and is trying to unwind and think.
Maybe for awhile I'll suggest a couple nights a week him staying at his place...
Well see he left nast night and I'll see him on Weds
Cutty72
11-20-2007, 01:17 PM
Well so far all is going well
He staying at his place the next couple nights and is trying to unwind and think.
Maybe for awhile I'll suggest a couple nights a week him staying at his place...
Well see he left nast night and I'll see him on Weds
Glad to hear things looking up a bit.
Time will tell... just don't rush anything
Cat118!
11-20-2007, 01:41 PM
Well l was hoping he hang with the guys for a bit and then go home, think, and miss me... lol
He ended up staying out all night drinking with the guys... which was not what I had in mind.... but as long as he unwinds then I'm good
wickles
11-20-2007, 01:49 PM
When you are extremely stressed out... what do you expect from you significant other?
How do you relieve stress?
How do you deal with your stress?
Whats the worst your significant other can do?
If you are mad at the world do you ever notice you may be taking it out on the wrong person? If so how did you notice?
Be honest now!
I expect lots of good sex! That takes my mind of it all for the whole 2 minutes it lasts! :rofl:
But seriously, I usually keep it all to myself. I've always been like that. I try not to put things like that one my sig. other if at all possible. Most of my stresses are about money issues, but that's usually an easy fix. I'm sure once we move in together, that will all change since most of the stresses will be together and we can work it out. But I'm never stressed about work, and nothing else really gets to me.
Cat118!
11-20-2007, 01:57 PM
I expect lots of good sex! That takes my mind of it all for the whole 2 minutes it lasts! :rofl:
But seriously, I usually keep it all to myself. I've always been like that. I try not to put things like that one my sig. other if at all possible. Most of my stresses are about money issues, but that's usually an easy fix. I'm sure once we move in together, that will all change since most of the stresses will be together and we can work it out. But I'm never stressed about work, and nothing else really gets to me.
lol... Pffft thats a whole other Opera :to_pick_ones_nose2:
Cutty72
11-20-2007, 02:31 PM
Well l was hoping he hang with the guys for a bit and then go home, think, and miss me... lol
He ended up staying out all night drinking with the guys... which was not what I had in mind.... but as long as he unwinds then I'm good
Everyone needs a night out drinking once in awhile, just let it all go.
wickles
11-20-2007, 03:36 PM
Everyone needs a night out drinking once in awhile, just let it all go.
Blah. Drinking doesn't do it for me.
Cutty72
11-20-2007, 04:18 PM
Blah. Drinking doesn't do it for me.
Fine then, a night alone playing with yourself :lol:
M-18Taser
11-20-2007, 07:44 PM
Well so far all is going well
He staying at his place the next couple nights and is trying to unwind and think.
Maybe for awhile I'll suggest a couple nights a week him staying at his place...
Well see he left nast night and I'll see him on Weds
Glad to hear its going well for you :) I hope it all works out in the end :muah:
Cat118!
11-21-2007, 06:21 PM
he apoligized for being an ass lately to me so thats start.... but now the stress is rolling into depression..... so I'll I can offer is to be there for him.
I don't know what else to do beside sit on the sidelines and be there if he needs
Cutty72
11-21-2007, 07:31 PM
Sometimes that's all you can do.
Keep an eye on him though, make sure it doesn't get to be something serious.
Cat118!
11-23-2007, 07:24 PM
he would never do anything serious
o2lily
11-23-2007, 07:36 PM
Yeah pretty much.
Just wait for him to come to you. Eventually he will, be it to vent or need a shoulder.
Be on his side though and dont let it get to ya, its probably his own personal thing he feels he has to work thru before he can explain it to ya.
Just be there for him its the best thing you can do & good luck :)
BigCory707
11-25-2007, 08:21 PM
like everyone else said, just be there to support him. It is easy to be there during the good times, Takes a special lady to hang in there during the hard times
good job
Cutty72
11-28-2007, 12:03 AM
so how's it been going?
Gettin better?
Hope so. :thumbup:
ravenman
11-28-2007, 06:15 PM
When you are extremely stressed out... what do you expect from you significant other?
How do you relieve stress?
How do you deal with your stress?
Whats the worst your significant other can do?
If you are mad at the world do you ever notice you may be taking it out on the wrong person? If so how did you notice?
Be honest now!
Nothing I can do it all myself.
Getting my freak on!
Smoking, tattoos, beer
Touch my motorcycle!
Whenever You feel down turn on Jerry Springer. You will quickly find out you are doing just fine! There's always someone that has it worse.
Cat118!
11-29-2007, 10:43 AM
well its a little better.... he is having more moments of having a good time then before... but the darkside is still there
He has one court date today and one on Monday.... so we'll see how it pans out
Dova80
11-29-2007, 10:59 PM
May I ask a better question, not what you can do for him, but more importantly is this what you want? I dont want to make it seem selfish, but in a relationship is this what you want? Do you think this will not come up later in life when it gets stressful?
Perhaps you should take this into account when looking at him, do you want a long term relationship? I know you have feeilngs for him otherwise you would have already tossed him. So what is it you want out of this relationship? A father for your children? How stressful do you think that will be for him? If this is how he deals with stress and it causes this much of a problem take a step back and look at the situation as a whole...
CHASE-R
11-30-2007, 12:32 AM
I usualy sit on the couch with a 65 pound pit bull on my lap till my legs go numb. Once I get the blood flowing again, I take the dogs out for a walk. Stress relief on four paws. I enjoy a good ride on the bike or about 6 hours at the gun range "Venting". The only thing the significant other can do is leave me alone for a little while. I hate the "What's Wrong" then when I tell her, shethinks it's her fault.The old stand by is always good too. A fair amount of alcohol and a willing significant other.:hosed:
You can ALWAYS tell when you are mad at the whole world and take it out on the wrong person. They are the ones yelling at you to stop yelling at them.
Cat118!
11-30-2007, 10:50 AM
well this is the first block we have come to in the relationship .. I figure I will do my best to stick through him throught this rough time.... and then when "another" stressful sistuation comes up we'll se how he is..
I already told him that if THIS is what he turns into everytime he gets stressed we are going to have issues... he says he never been like this but he is just really freakin out... so we'll see
Cat118!
12-03-2007, 07:13 PM
Ok so he got a great deal!!!
Just left Park County
What ever Jeffco gives him it will run at the same time as park county does for the same amount of days
So basically 2 for the price of one and then he is done
So now he better start unwinding and chillin out!
Cutty72
12-03-2007, 08:37 PM
That's great, i think...
Glad you are happier!!!!!! :grin:
Cat118!
12-03-2007, 08:38 PM
That's great, i think...
Glad you are happier!!!!!! :grin:
Well we shall see if he starts acting like the guy I feel for or not.....
Cutty72
12-03-2007, 08:41 PM
Well we shall see if he starts acting like the guy I feel for or not.....
GOOD LUCK!!
:thumbup:
motorcyclemiracles
12-24-2007, 03:28 PM
door, meet asshole, asshole, meet goodbye.
check your email.
that sounds like a good plan.. or asshole meet boot to the head then the door
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